Annie Oakley (August 13, 1860 – November 3, 1926), born Phoebe Ann Mosey. Photo in public domain.
by Kimberly Whilton Adams
I always wanted to be Annie Oakley. She was my childhood hero.
But growing up sometimes means telling the difference between real dreams and dreams that are, well, just dreams.
Why Annie Oakley? Well, she was the world’s best rifle shot. Not just the world’s best women’s rifle shot—the world’s best rifle shot. Period.
And she was a real person, just like Joan of Arc was, who single-handedly saved France and without France what would have really happened at Yorktown? Think about it, ladies.
The Annie Oakley dream, of course fits well with Top of the Hill living right here in Warren County, PA. From time to time I console myself about my reluctance…refusal?...to give up the dream--after all- these are very necessary life skills living in the Pennsylvania Wilds!
But reality has a way of creeping in. During an evening of puttering about and catching a little Lyle Lovett for background, my boys (Duke and Boulder of the companion-dog variety) started making their “it’s time to head for bed” noises. I headed for the door to ship them out for their last outing and realized we were an hour early, but they were extra-enthusiastic with a bit of a higher pitch to their voices.
Enhanced whining I like to call it.
They shot out the door like cannons with me racing right behind, making it about 3 feet from the house before my pony dug in his heels. I suddenly heard strange noises in the yard and having had a recent experience with teaching them that the “hood” boys (aka coyotes) really weren’t their friends and clearly from the wrong side of the tracks, I realized this was yet a different gang altogether. Duke’s voice changed from grumbling to “serious business barking” and Boulder was doing his “you go first I have your back” routine, so I knew it was time to switch to my alter-ego of Annie Oakley. I geared up to teach this gang, whoever they were, a lesson. I quickly ran back into the house to grab my six gun, known in other circles as a large Mag-lite LED with 6 bulbs, as this is the new and enlightened Annie, not to mention I would shoot my foot off if I ever figured out how to use a real gun! Ok-I shot my dad’s .22 rifle twice during my “Annie” trials as a child, which as far as I was concerned absolutely qualified me in the gun category. With my six-gun, er, flashlight in hand I headed out the laundry room door hoping to ambush the bad guys-- really scare them off, showing they had met their match in these here parts!
It worked! I could hear them climbing the large oak tree, succumbing to my intimidation, not to mention the boys on their heels. I flashed my trusty flashlight at them as they climbed, and felt like such an Annie wannabe, no hope for me, it was just a couple of raccoons, hissing away as they climbed. Right—their bodies grew larger in the spotlight as they climbed, the dogs grew bolder as they climbed, and the rings on their tales refused to materialize as they climbed. The view was not fitting my mindset until I realized the raccoons had turned into bears right in front of my eyes! With apologies to the memory of Annie and screams to the “boys” I gave up and did what any good country girl would do, I ran into the house and immediately sent smoke signals to my brother, courtesy of Verizon, and told him there were REAL bears in the tree right behind the house and the dogs would not listen to me!
After reassuring me with sound advice like—“why in the hell did you let the dogs out”, and other country wisdom such as, “you know, if they get really mad they’ll kill your dogs in 3 seconds”, he jumped on his horse, also known as a BIG ASS TRUCK, and came up to the hilltop. After a quick “Get in the house” which Duke and Boulder readily agreed to do coming from HIM, he drove/rode to the tree and proceeded to greet the bears.
He said “hello”, wondered after their day, asked them if they were having fun in the tree—Are you kidding me?
He then told the bear duo that perhaps they didn’t want to hang here and should find another hood to take over. They quietly agreed, climbed down from the tree and went on their way.
Lessons learned? I still do believe in Annie, girls, buy maybe it IS ok to watch from the window. In the meantime I will invest in a ready supply of firecrackers so they really think I AM Annie and they don’t get another chance to walk away snickering--instead of hissing!
Kimberly Whilton Adams is a 1974 graduate of Warren Area High School. She is currently snowbound at Warren County's highest point of elevation.